I Did It!

Jun. 23rd, 2017 08:21 pm
aximili: (Default)
[personal profile] aximili
I signed up for the Himalayan Trek in October. I'm just going to pay the extra fees to go alone. It's not that bad, and I'll regret not going places because other people couldn't make time. I just have to figure out airfare.

I was thinking about how having a life you are jealous of vs. constantly saving things for later and decided I had to go for it.

I keep thinking about how nice it would be to just have one job but I think I can wait til nursing is done. At the very least I can wait til I'm NOC shift. Then at the very least I can wait til I'm done with online coursework... then the first semester of nursing school... etc.

why are women always tripping and

Jun. 23rd, 2017 10:52 am
the_future_modernes: (Default)
[personal profile] the_future_modernes
falling down in anime all the time?  Also I am SICK of the dead woman love interest trope in all of media. I would honestly like to ban that shit for the next 540 years.

Also, was trying to watch Star Trek Beyond and why is Kirk so fucking TERRIBLE at negotiation? Is he or is he not supposed to have been tops in all his subjects? So why was he so sarcastic and impatient and lacking in empathy? Why was the entire negotiation scene played for jokes? Star Trek is SUPPOSED to be about diplomacy  as well as fighting, these motherfuckers can only focus on action? Frankly I wouldn't want to live anywhere near the Federation, they are clearly the same shitheads that militaries today are. Which was not quite the intention of the original. This medicore ass, fratboy ass white imperialistic ass fuckwittery tho. Its so frustrating when the fanfic IS SO MUCH BETTER than the shit these so called professionals GET PAID FOR.

Finally watching Cowboy Bebop. SO GOOD. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the architecture of the world, the gates are BADASS and the diversity of the characters?! There are darskinned folk up in there! And I love the fact that they are having adventures but it aint about war. I am so SICK of war. I feel like describing war as action adventure is erasure. War isn't adventure. Not by a long shot.
One thing about it that I didnt like was the story line about terrorist environmentalists. Made me annoyed because I feel like I keep seeing movies in which environmentalists are set up as cuckoo terrorists who go too far. Considering teh fact that coporations and their captive govts are responsible for the current destruction of the planet for human habitation ... says a lot about the ideologies of the ruling class. More environmentalists as heroes I say. And more corporations as the destructive moneygrubbing villians that they are. Speaking of, I need several articles that look into the specifics of corporate welfare.  The drumbeat of lazy mooching poor continues unabated while corporations make billions more than in tax dollars the poor ever manage to but have their misdeeds cozily hidden by our fourth estate. Then again corporations own the fourth estate.  Apparently folk are going to have to learn up close and personal AGAIN that monopolies are bad for us. Hoo-fucking-ray. 

I would like to seee a movie in which a James Bond type or platoon of them come in to fuck up a government in a POC majority country and the heroes are the security forces of said countries  who repel the invaders and embarass the shit out of the colonizing country.  Actually I would like to see several movies about this.

I need to write more. I am brimming with ideas but the resilency to sit down and write is lacking. Because I keep getting hung up on the fact that what sounds great in my head doesnt come out as such on paper. *sigh*

John Hopkins

Jun. 23rd, 2017 06:55 am
aximili: Rachel Maddow being her quirky self. (Political: Rachel Maddow Funny)
[personal profile] aximili
So, I finally figured out why I couldn't access coursework through the iPad Pro for JHU. Now I've completed the sexual harassment training and signed up for three courses. (It says you can only sign up for two courses, but... It didn't stop me from signing up for three. It did stop me from signing up for Anatomy, but I will worry about that next quarter.)

It may be a moot point, though, because I need to pay $3,150 in order to take all three courses. I may only be able to afford one or two classes the first quarter. Or not - technically, Kevin is supposed to be contributing to rent now, too. But still, ultimately, the second best nursing program in the nation does not come cheap. Still, I want to do it for a few reasons:

1. The online courses buy me some time in which I can work both jobs.
2. I can transfer units I earn at JHU to Stanbridge if I go to school at Stanbridge, which means potentially skipping the whole CNA or LVN program and going straight into the RN program.
3. It lets me avoid making the choice to go to Stanbridge right away, which gives me a chance to work on earning my way into JHU if I decide the way to get away from my dysfunctional family is by moving to Maryland. (Maryland is cheaper, incidentally.)
4. I already wanted to start building up a good GPA there to sign up for an advanced academic program there someday in the future.

I really want to do that Himalayan trek, but I don't think I can afford it and John Hopkins. Unless it becomes a family trip. So I guess I'll have to talk to Dad. He wants to go, but then we don't sign up. Make a choice, dude.




Now I get to sleep for four hours before getting up for work >_>

Plans

Jun. 22nd, 2017 12:33 am
aximili: (DP: You and I (Sam to Danny))
[personal profile] aximili
Additional new hobby: going to the free local concerts.

Things

Jun. 21st, 2017 01:46 pm
aximili: (P!nk: Eyes)
[personal profile] aximili
So, I talked to Full-Time Job about moving to NOC (overnight) shift Sunday-Thursday. It'll be more of a hassle to First-Job in some ways, but it'll be more convenient in others. (I won't be able to open or close, but I'll be available Saturdays and Sundays.)

I'm seriously considering quitting, though. (First Job, I mean.) I mean, I want both jobs to work out, but... If I'm working 40-48 hours/week and it's not condensed into two days it's going to be really hard. And Full-Time Job overnight is basically like being paid $20/hour to go to school.

I don't have to make any rushed decisions though. Stanbridge costs a lot of money... I'll be saving money for some months. I was going to see about calling them and starting in the fall... But then I realized I wouldn't have the tuition for it.

Uhm, anyway, so. Busy future planned.

Wedded Bliss

Jun. 20th, 2017 02:01 pm
aximili: (TPATF: Fray)
[personal profile] aximili
Having been to that event (it was amazing, but moving on) I really don't think I'd ever want to get married. At least, not in the form of a ceremony. What I'd like to do is find a great person with whom I travel, go out with, enjoy the company of, etc. (And vice versa, obviously) and then we just sign the paperwork and travel as a 'wedding.'

But I'm not going to assume I'll ever meet someone (friends, romantic partners, or otherwise) and instead just live my life the way I want and hope I run into the right people that way. So, things:

+ Travel: Himalayas Trek. I plan on buying a ticket either this paycheck, or two paychecks from now for later this year. That gives me time to save money for the flight.

+ Travel: Egypt tour through archaeological paths! That would be 2018 (I'd do it first - I really want to go to Egypt. But it'll cost a lot more money.)

+ Surf lessons (skateboarding lessons? I want to pick up some new skills.)

+ Camping/Backpacking/Climbing.

+ Nursing/TEFL training.

Uhm, all the stuff I already do, I plan to continue doing. The most important thing is I don't want to continue waiting for other people to do things with. It costs more to do things alone. But it's the things we don't do that we'll regret.

UHM

Jun. 18th, 2017 06:20 pm
aximili: (Animorphs: Marco Ditch School)
[personal profile] aximili
So, I didn't realize it, but Patrick married into money.

This thing was massively expensive. And the wife's father is low-key famous. Like. The cab driver knew who the father was by name.

I'm not sure where Patrick stands on all of that personally - I think he does pretty well for himself - but like.

I would have brought very different clothes if I had known XD

Give, Take

Jun. 17th, 2017 12:18 pm
aximili: (Default)
[personal profile] aximili
I'm having fun seeing Patrick but that aside it's all way too much socializing and conforming and dressing up for me personally. I'm exhausted.

Also I had lots of nightmares last night (I can't remember specifically what since I didn't dwell on it.) I had lots of REM sleep though...
aximili: (Corpse Bride: Emily Proper)
[personal profile] aximili
I'M NEVER GETTING MARRIED.

IF I EVER FIND LOVE WE WILL JUST TRAVEL THE WORLD TOGETHER INSTEAD.

Cool

Jun. 15th, 2017 01:38 am
aximili: Me (Nature: Baby Gator)
[personal profile] aximili
So, we actually have a fair amount of work tonight - editing forms, making new forms, taking in inventory. Way easier to stay awake when there is stuff to do (it can be self-made stuff or work, either way. But because of everything going on there's not been a lot of either.)

One of the director's most valued client care specialists has sort of taken me under her wing for training. But they now want me to move to overnight every night of the week. That would mean eight more hours a week, but it would also mean double shifts most days of the week... Unless I leave Ralphs. Ugh.

BUDGET CRISIS

Jun. 14th, 2017 05:22 am
aximili: (Megamind: He was too fantastic.)
[personal profile] aximili
Okay so. I have to budget for everything going on. I think I have to assume this month is going to be over-budget. Patrick's wedding will involve a lot of spending (wedding gift, probably a gift for Cassidy.)

I also think I will finally replace my camera (since I have the funds to do so) so I can take photos of all these shenanigans.

I'll get my hair trimmed (not styled - that can be another adventure, another day) but I think I will do the manicure/pedicure and try to bring along outfits on the nicer side of my wardrobe, since there will be lots of photos. (Though that does make me want to spend the money on hair-styling too.)

Basically, I'm mostly reeling it in on spending, but this month might be a wash because of the unusual event taking place.

Busy Night

Jun. 14th, 2017 01:28 am
aximili: Dash icon saying something. (MLP: Here's what I think)
[personal profile] aximili
Andromida wouldn't let me leave early so I could get to work at the other job on time (I'd already told them I was scheduled til midnight. So, I had permission to come late, but was trying to avoid it.)

I don't get the point of keeping me there. It was completely dead the last 1-1.5 hours. It's something where I'd understand if it had been busy, or if I was trying to leave work early to go out. But. I was trying to get to another job.

Because the center is almost full now, we have to keep one person upstairs and one person downstairs at all times. So I'm upstairs. I figured I was being nice, because downstairs has all the couches, but then again, that means my co-worker has to check the bags for contraband.




I'm so excited about having a week off. I'm excited to meet my niece, and to see my brother again. I'm thinking about even getting my hair styled. It's something I've never done before.

Uhm. Anyway. As excited as I am, I still need to get through tonight.

but i dont want to die tho

Jun. 13th, 2017 02:37 pm
the_future_modernes: (Default)
[personal profile] the_future_modernes
why in hell cant black people get to fucking LIVE?

and the march to

Jun. 13th, 2017 02:28 pm
the_future_modernes: (Default)
[personal profile] the_future_modernes
the USA dictatorship continues.

I've not been on DuoLingo in too long

Jun. 13th, 2017 12:38 am
aximili: (Yes Man: Zooey Bite)
[personal profile] aximili
I went and did an exercise today and it turns out they have advertisements each lesson now - and they don't offer an ad-free option!

Well, if I'm paying in one form or another anyway, why the heck would I use DuoLingo over Rosetta Stone? So, now, I'm back to using Rosetta Stone exclusively.




We have a co-worker who is terminally ill and she was crying a lot today. I tried to offer her food (I'm not great at offering emotional support, plus I think emotional support can be counter-productive when you're trying to work) and then I asked her if she wanted to go Sky-diving.

So, now I need to take Amanda, this co-worker, and I imagine Tigger sky-diving (I'm so-so with Tigger, but he and Amanda get on really well.)

I'm going to invite this co-worker to more things. I don't want to let her isolate herself. Isolation leads to bad places, it tends to feed into more bad shit. Support and connection.

ETA: $600 for four people. I should buy a gift certificate every-other-week, so we can all go in July.

ETA II: Wait, do I need to invite Debbie, Tyler, Alicia and a few other people too? Well shit. Okay, rule of thumb is, pay for person going through Major Life Shit as well as a +1 for them. Anyone else can pay their own way.

Still a Tough Day

Jun. 12th, 2017 01:25 am
aximili: Rachel Maddow jumping and happy. (Political: Rachel Maddow Jump)
[personal profile] aximili
(I'm aware the last post has a typo in the title.)

So, today has been a lot of crying on my part. Seems like everything's normal most of the time, then I remember Selena's gone (usually because some jackass reminds me) and I start crying.

As a side-effect of that, I'm even more exhausted than simply from only sleeping four collective hours the last two days because people keep waking me up. I was feeling fine earlier, but now I'm starting to drag. I wish I could be allowed to sleep a portion of the shift - call it extenuating circumstances, since I have four double-shift days instead of two.

No matter. I'm going to keep busy so I don't fall asleep.

My emotions about Selena are very cyclical. I know we couldn't keep her any longer given her behavioral problem. But she's been there through everything.

I also feel just completely ridiculously stupid. Karen's mother died and she had to work through it. Amanda's best friend and roommate died, and she had to work through it. I relinquish my cat - I don't even euthanize her, just relinquish her - and I'm a total mess.




I've started to stop specifically altering behavioral patterns to avoid seeing Jordan. What I mean is, I don't avoid Subway anymore because it's past the place where he works now. I like getting a sandwich before work at the overnight place, since I'm not supposed to leave for lunch. (You can still bet your ass I don't look at all inside where he works now.)

One of his co-workers came by to buy beer for him. I laughed, at least internally. We'll apparently never stop avoiding each other.

Touch Choices

Jun. 11th, 2017 01:19 pm
aximili: Aang, Sokka, Katara being chased by the fire nation. (Avatar TLA: Trio AAAAH!)
[personal profile] aximili
I finally went ahead and surrendered Selena to a place where she'll be a barn cat. It's a decision we've needed to make a long time. I'm glad we found an alternative that didn't involve euthanizing her.

The clinic was really non-judgmental about it and said that in cases like the one I had less than 3% of cats get their behavior altered to a point where they can be indoor cats. They really understood we had tried every option, A-Z, and we'd been putting up with it for thirteen years and just didn't have the money or stamina for it anymore.

We weren't allowed to know where she goes or make contact with her, though. We just signed a relinquishment form and paid the fee, and that was that. She's no longer ours. She's a barn cat.




I'm going to stop by work early and ask if I can be more useful to them if I clock in early and leave early, since my other job called me in. I got permission from the director to come in late (I'm scheduled til midnight at First Job) but they hardly ever need me til midnight. They may very well let me clock in early and leave early.




First Tinder message apparently didn't go well - the mutual like was gone by the next morning. I think I just jumped into hiking talk. Maybe they thought I was looking for something too serious for them - but I'm not, lol. I don't want a relationship. I would like to meet people where we can also hike and do outdoor/adventurous activities together.

Tinder Anxiety

Jun. 11th, 2017 12:17 am
aximili: (MLP: Ewww)
[personal profile] aximili
Okay. I've done enough moping and work-a-holic-ing the last few months. I've signed up for the CNA course. I've gotten back into running and fitness.

I'm trying to get out more. So, I'm starting to try to get back into MeetUp, I have started doing things through Groupon. And I'm starting to look into trying to meet people again.

I'm not into clubbing, I'm more into outdoor activities. Photography. Writing, art, reading. I wish I were more into clubbing and dancing and parties, since people who are into that stuff seem so happy, but...

No, never mind. That stuff doesn't make me happy. What I do is see people gravitate those people, and I experience envy. I just wish I knew how to make good connections with other introverts.

Anyway, moving on from that: Mutual like on Tinder. What first message should I craft?!

I'm still nervous about everything meeting people tends to entail. But. I do want to make more friends with people who look like they're into the same stuff I am.

i have encountered Galavant

Jun. 10th, 2017 10:54 pm
the_future_modernes: (Default)
[personal profile] the_future_modernes
And I am GLEEFUL.

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